Good Bye Mctopia.

[mattjtv]

I wrote this for tobi to send to you yesterday. But:

"Hey Emmy, I know you aren't willing to see this from me since I've done it twice before and I blew it. I know I've changed, I have become closer to my enemies and became a better person. It might not seem like it, since I made that post falsely accusing you. I miss when we were close friends on the server, and I'm hoping we can go somewhere near a fraction of that stage again. I hate myself for being the guy that I am, or the guy I was. When I was a jerk, I felt better about myself since it seemed like people were lower than I was and I was getting to the top, but then I realized how other people feel, and found myself dealing with a load of guilt I'd never thought I'd have to bear. I was choking on air, sucking through a straw. I really wanted to wrap up all the broken bones I have with others, especially you. You sensed quickly when I became a jerk and you tried to stop me but I ignored the advice. I fully understand that you probably won't ever be my friend again, and I'm risking a lot by writing this. You were one of the best admins and I was in shock when you went on temporary leave. I tried to blame everything on Tristan, but I know my attitude towards you brought you lower and lower until you almost left for good, by my hand. Writing this actually provides me with some relief, I feel happy again. I have butterflies in my stomach when I write stuff like this, but in a relaxing way that I wish I could feel all the time. I know you probably won't accept this but I had to apologize somehow. Thank you for taking the time to read all this, and I hope you can come back soon.

Sincerely,
MattJTV"