How Tyler And Jeff Saved The Richwood Theatre

[zombielover99]

Hey guys, I'm writing a book and I was hoping you guys could review it, here is the first chapter

Chapter 1

Tyler and Jeff had just left Richwood Theatre, a huge theatre that was know for it's humongous arcade, and amazing selection of movies. Outside the theatre was a different story, it was very damp and musty, almost like a swamp. The street the theatre was positioned on had no sign of life except the bright light that indicated the movie theatre was closed.

Haha, I loved that movie! said Tyler to his friend Jeff. I did enjoy it, but after seeing it for the 100th time you start to lose interest. Replied Jeff. Jeff and Tyler had gone to see Galactic Space Alien Warriors, or as most people call them, Warians, the very popular new movie. Have you heard this movie is going to be the top grossing movie of all time in two days at this rate. Tyler said. I cant wait for Galactic Space Alien Warriors 2 to come out, hey you look down all of the sudden Jeff, what's the matter? Jeff didn't reply but simply pointed towards a sign above the gigantic door that led into the movie theatre, it read Movie Theatre Closing Next Month, Thank You Loyal Customers, We With You The Best. The movie theatre is closing. Tyler thought. This is our favourite movie theatre though

...

Are you sure about this? Asked Melvin. I mean what if it doesn't work and the cat gets hypothermia or something? What, even the class clown is too wimpy to do this. Laughed Tyler. Come on guys, it will be HILARIOUS! Tyler was planning on dumping Mrs. Schnitzers cat into a big bucket of water while Mrs. Schnitzer(the leanest, meanest teacher in school) was on a lunch break. I'm sorry Tyler, but even I'm out on this one! Jeff stated. Yeah what if you get caught, you'll be in some major trouble... Warned Jessica. Tyler had never been one to care about trouble until it came, and he certainly wasn't going to start now. Well I guess when this gets noted as the funniest prank in the world I can take all the credit for it. Tyler said, proudly. Soon enough everyone had scurried out of the classroom to avoid being caught near Tyler if he somehow got busted, everyone knows that when it comes to this school, whoever is at the scene is the criminal. Tyler unlocked the cage of the teachers cat, carried her over to the bucket of water, he was about to throw the cat in when he heard the knob on the door twist. A milli-second later Mrs. Schnitzer was staring a Tyler mid-act, face more red then a tomato. Tyler was in deep, deep doo-doo.



Well, that's end of chapter 1, if you enjoyed let me know and I'll continue editing more chapters into this post whenever I can!

Thanks!

-Zombeh

[Metazard]

Whenever you start off a book, you want to set the scene, for example
"It was a rainy day in (town name)"
But you'll want to expand it more
Your book jumps straight into it, which is not good

Try not to use 'said' at all use more exciting words like
Sam whimpered
Sam chuckled
Sam moaned
Sam complained
Sam snapped
Stuff like that, gotta keep it interesting.

[zombielover99]

Metazard wrote:Whenever you start off a book, you want to set the scene, for example
"It was a rainy day in (town name)"
But you'll want to expand it more
Your book jumps straight into it, which is not good

Try not to use 'said' at all use more exciting words like
Sam whimpered
Sam chuckled
Sam moaned
Sam complained
Sam snapped
Stuff like that, gotta keep it interesting.

Alrighty, cheers

[zombielover99]

Metazard wrote:Whenever you start off a book, you want to set the scene, for example
"It was a rainy day in (town name)"
But you'll want to expand it more
Your book jumps straight into it, which is not good

Try not to use 'said' at all use more exciting words like
Sam whimpered
Sam chuckled
Sam moaned
Sam complained
Sam snapped
Stuff like that, gotta keep it interesting.

I gave it a starting scene and replaced some of the saids with other things

[hailstorm]

Metazard wrote:Whenever you start off a book, you want to set the scene, for example
"It was a rainy day in (town name)"
But you'll want to expand it more
Your book jumps straight into it, which is not good

Try not to use 'said' at all use more exciting words like
Sam whimpered
Sam chuckled
Sam moaned
Sam complained
Sam snapped
Stuff like that, gotta keep it interesting.

Eh, I disagree. Thats too cliché.

[zombielover99]

hailstorm wrote:

Metazard wrote:Whenever you start off a book, you want to set the scene, for example
"It was a rainy day in (town name)"
But you'll want to expand it more
Your book jumps straight into it, which is not good

Try not to use 'said' at all use more exciting words like
Sam whimpered
Sam chuckled
Sam moaned
Sam complained
Sam snapped
Stuff like that, gotta keep it interesting.

Eh, I disagree. Thats too cliché.

Make up your mind, is it a setting or no setting *facepalm*

[hailstorm]

zombielover99 wrote:

hailstorm wrote:

Metazard wrote:Whenever you start off a book, you want to set the scene, for example
"It was a rainy day in (town name)"
But you'll want to expand it more
Your book jumps straight into it, which is not good

Try not to use 'said' at all use more exciting words like
Sam whimpered
Sam chuckled
Sam moaned
Sam complained
Sam snapped
Stuff like that, gotta keep it interesting.

Eh, I disagree. Thats too cliché.

Make up your mind, is it a setting or no setting *facepalm*

You describe the setting later, it's perfect.

[Metazard]

Starting off with people talking is way too rough for me, if it was in a book I'd almost always put it down, anyways, the setting you have now is great.

[zombielover99]

Oh and btw, the reason there are no quotes is because I cant find it on my keyboard via Ipod

[Metazard]

Press the button on the bottom left then it's to the right where the comma is on the first page.