2014-02-08, 02:48 PM
I love you.
Cori83 wrote:Okay Nick, based on my recent impressions of you, you have potential.
Keep that in mind, because I'm now going to say a bunch of negative things about the app itself.
The method of paragraph separation is not stellar. Try using the enter key.
There are a lot of run-on sentences and a lot of extra information. It's nice to have a few examples of situations that you'd like to help with, but keep in mind that most of the people reading your application do know the rules. This sentence:Lord_Nick. wrote:I am currently running for the rank Moderator, simply so I may help the countless people that I've seen in need of help from problems such as grief, being jailed from an abusive rank, being in a situation with people who attempt to kill others in creative mode, while stuck with people who attempt to tp kill, tpa spammers and many other things that are against the rules.
It's too long and somewhat hard to follow. Partially due to minor grammatical errors (*being jailed by an abusive rank), and partially due to just being too specific. Try phrases like "abuse of commands, particularly during pvp." The sentence I used as an example isn't the only one with those issues, so your application is hard to read.
In addition, the organization isn't too spectacular, particularly in the third paragraph. The examples and definitions just throw it off track. Examples are nice in general, but you should make them a bit more succinct, and make sure they benefit your application. Also, the third paragraph switches from things you've done for the server to the Admin2025 campaign, which should be in a separate paragraph.
I have one last note on this application. You need more commas. I'm not going to be too picky when it comes to all the rules surrounding commas, because there are a lot, and they're hard to keep track of, but some important ones:
- Commas are required between independent and dependent clauses.
- Commas need to separate quotations from the rest of the sentence.
- Commas are needed before which, where, or who, when the clause describes the preceding phrase.
Okay, I'm done being mean. Fix your application, and maybe I'll vouch.
