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+--- Thread: The Sundance Tribe (/showthread.php?tid=1675)
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The Sundance Tribe - GoldenLynx54 - 2012-11-02
My deep orange hair sizzled in the rain as my tribe raced for shelter. A tall, gray mountain loomed above us , it's summit scraping the cloudy gray sky. The raindrops felt like ice on my pale skin. Only a few scattered embers around me were still burning, and smoking grass drooped in the weight of the water. Faint glows came from animal burrows, bushes and under fallen trees. I dived into a burrow along with my friend, Cardinal. We slowly dried off in our combined heat. We squeezed the moisture from our hair, and looked outside. Rain spattered outside, taunting us.
This is a short story I wrote. I might continue it into a novel, but maybe not..... Critique if you can, and be honest!
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The Sundance Tribe - Metazard - 2012-11-02
Lol it's very good
I thing you should describe what cardinal looks, talks and moves like, stuff like that. It's the fine details
The Sundance Tribe - GoldenLynx54 - 2012-11-03
I know. I JUST started it, and might make it into a story. Omg! Meta, reserve the book 'Sword Mountain' because it is awesome. I read it instead of doing homework. XD
The Sundance Tribe - SilverWolf101 - 2012-11-03
ARE THEY FIRE? OMG DOES THE RAIN HURT THEM?! tell me MOAR PLZ.
The Sundance Tribe - GoldenLynx54 - 2012-11-03
You may say anything you want, but I am not giving away secrets. But yush, they are fire.
The Sundance Tribe - SilverWolf101 - 2012-11-03
GoldenLynx54 wrote:You may say anything you want, but I am not giving away secrets. But yush, they are fire.
FLAME PRINCESS! omg, FLAME PRINCESS!
The Sundance Tribe - GoldenLynx54 - 2012-11-03
Lol. I love Flame Princess, and they look somewhat like that. STOP ASKING QUESTIONS AND PREDICT!
The Sundance Tribe - SilverWolf101 - 2012-11-03
GoldenLynx54 wrote:Lol. I love Flame Princess, and they look somewhat like that. STOP ASKING QUESTIONS AND PREDICT!
I predict they are enemies of water people and they are raiding them now.
The Sundance Tribe - GoldenLynx54 - 2012-11-03
Ima use Word now. Baibai!
The Sundance Tribe - tobiii1004 - 2012-11-03
*applause*
VERY good. (: